“Harry, this could be a turnin point in oor young lives. We could disdain the binga and preserve oor street cred, may I say oor hard-fought street cred, and sit here lookin cool and detached. Or we could simply give up and let oor spirits be crushed under the banality of workin class, make that lower workin class existence. Conform or die, Mr. Sloane, the choice is yours. Oh by the way, here’s a wee pointer: if we stay cool and detached we also stay skint and sober.”

“Skint an sober, eh? The dreaded SS. An here wis me casting long yearning glances at the two serving wenches behind the bar with the idea that a later liaison could be in the offing. The ground-work has already been completed, Benny, all we need is some working capital an surely heaven on earth awaits. We are indeed on the horns of a dilemma.”

Nodding grimly, Benny said, “Truly, we are between a rock and a hard-on.”

Perhaps with that in mind Harry turned tae Mrs Gallagher and said, “Hiv ye a marker ah could borrow, hen?”

When the Panda drove doon Clune Brae, which is only the steepest hill in town, ah dived at the driver, pulled his heid back an tried tae make him crash the car. The other screw starts punchin me but there’s no much room in these wee cars. So we’re aw over the place an ah get a glimpse of genuine fear in wan ay their eyes. That wis as good as it got for me.

After we wrestled aboot for a few seconds we swerve aff the road and hit a wall. If we swerved in the other direction we’d aw be deid. They jumped oot, dragged me right ontae the road an jammed ma face between the street an a big Doc Marten. It felt like a size 10. Ah could smell boot polish an taste petrol.

They put ma hands behind ma back an put the handcuffs on. Then they kicked me all over the road and kept punchin an kickin until they felt good aboot themselves. When their feet were sore they threw me in the back seat again, only this time well cuffed an wae ma heid doon in the footwell.

Then it wis blue light on, siren on and foot tae the flerr. Set the controls for the heart of the charge bar.